Two Bits
by Caeruleya
Summary: I know it says 'humor' but that's because I couldn't think of a better category. Response to a challenge from luckiemonky (check out her companion piece "shave and a haircut). Dramatic summary: Sirius has mysteriously disappeared! Remus no like.


"**Two Bits"**

"Have any of you seen Sirius today?"

Remus looked up from his seat in a big easy chair to stare at James, who had just climbed through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room, looking exasperated and a bit wind-blown.

"No, haven't seen a sign of him all day," answered Remus, whose expression turned thoughtful. "He _did_ leave especially early this morning. Suspiciously early, if you ask me."

"Peter, have you?" James looked inquiringly at Peter, who had been scribbling away at his three-rolls-of-parchment-detention-assignment on the causes, results, and implications of the assassination of the goblins' regent-prince in 1427. James opened his mouth to poke a little fun at Peter…until he remembered that Peter's detention was the result of his own and Sirius's scheming in History of Magic the day before, which involved Peter in his usual role of distraction/scapegoat. Well, it was Peter's own fault if he simply refused to see the obvious patterns of their group dynamic.

Peter looked up sullenly from his parchment. "No, why, is he missing?" Was that a tinge of hope in his voice? Ah well, James thought he couldn't really blame Peter considering his present predicament.

James threw himself onto the couch in front of the fire, arms and legs dangling as he settled into a relaxed position. "Well, it's just that he promised me we'd run down to Zonko's today to, erm… 'restock'….before, well," James snickered, "Before his big date tonight." James turned to smirk at Remus, who looked like he was trying to hide just how interested he now was in the matter, and then shrugged. "Guess he wanted extra time to get ready," James concluded to himself.

"Yes, but four hours extra?" commented Remus, his book now forgotten. James shrugged again, and proceeded to examine his fingernails. A short silence ensued, until,

"So who's he going on this 'date' with?"

James sniggered. "Wouldn't you like to know, eh Moony?" Remus looked slightly taken aback. "No, actually," James continued, "I don't really know myself. Sirius wouldn't talk about it. I think," James's voice lowered, "I think it's a _Slytherin_!"

"A Slytherin!" Remus and Peter exclaimed at once.

"Yes, but..." James glanced sidelong at a couple of fourth year girls curled up over a game of chess in the corner, whose attention had been attracted by the outburst, "try to keep it down, eh? We've still got his and our reputations to look out f—LILY!" James was off the couch and at the base of girls' dormitory staircase in one fluid motion.

Lily raised an appraising eyebrow at James as she came out of the stairwell but did not slow her progress to the portrait hole.

"Did you need something, Potter?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm so glad you asked. You see, I was just rummaging about my trunk when I realized I'm flat out of packs of Exploding Snap, not to mention…and I was wondering…Zonko's…"

James's voice faded away as he followed Lily's brisk pace and the portrait hole rolled shut. Remus glanced at Peter, who still had two and a half rolls to go, then at the clock over the hearth, and, returning to his book, resigned himself to a long, dull, and lonely Saturday evening.

* * *

Remus had just served himself a heaping portion of meatloaf amid the comforting din of the Great Hall when he looked up instinctively to see James and Lily come through the great oak entrance doors, flushed from the cold outside. He watched as James bid his goodbye to Lily, who was looking more amiable than she had that afternoon, though only slightly. She proceeded down to the opposite end of the table to join her friends, and James made his way around to drop solidly into the seat across from Remus.

"Well?"

"Well what?" James reached for the meatloaf and began to serve himself.

"How did it go?"

"Oh, got everything I needed, plus a few extras for Sirius when he gets back." James patted a large brown bag next to him with satisfaction.

"You know what I mean."

"I haven't the foggiest idea what you're getting at, Moony. By the way, why are you sitting here all alone? You were making a rather sad sight. Where is everyone?"

"Well, Peter has that monstrous essay" – insert significant look from Remus and innocent fascination with the mashed potatoes on James's part – "and I suppose Sirius is on that date of his. The Black Shadow's gone from its usual spot, any how."

"Checking up on dearest Padfoot were we?" James laughed as Remus's face darkened and reached across to give a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "No worries, Moony, I'm sure this…thing…with the Slytherinette will be quite temporary. I'll be sure to see to that, anyway."

At this they both smiled to themselves. The conversation turned to other subjects, punctuated by pauses during which James stared down to the end of the table under pretense of trying to see if he could find the salt-shaker or other such nonsense.

* * *

Remus couldn't sleep. The half-moon was shedding its soft light into the room through the high windows, illuminating James's slightly smug sleeping expression and Peter's round form, curled up under the covers of his four-poster across the room.

And Sirius's bed, unmade as usual, and right now glaringly empty of its owner.

Remus told himself for the hundredth time not to worry. It wasn't exactly weird to stay out late after a date, why should Sirius be any exception? Though what Slytherin girl could possibly have Sirius so enamored was beyond him…

But if it's just the date, thought Remus, then why was he already gone when he had woken up that morning, when on a typical Saturday Sirius was lucky if he made it down to the Great Hall in time for lunch? Remus couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something.

He rolled over on his side and stared out the window. What if it was…something…what if Sirius wasn't back because he couldn't come back? Though those in authority at Hogwarts generally did their best to make the atmosphere at the school feel secure and comfortable, and refrained from giving the students any cause for alarm when possible, Remus knew that in the rest of the world, outside of Hogwarts' little bubble, things had been slowly but steadily growing more grim. Every now and then the students could catch rumors of dark forces this, growing evil that. There had been a couple of unexplained disappearances. There were whispers that the Order of the Phoenix was going to step up its recruiting program.

Unexplained disappearances. Remus closed his eyes and shook his head. He knew he was being ridiculous. Why would anyone, if they were to go about kidnapping, want a completely inconsequential Hogwarts sixth year boy? True, Sirius was from a very old wizarding family, perhaps there were old grudges and rivalries unknown to him, but…

But…

Remus sat up sharply and searched the grounds outside the window intently. He thought he had…had he really heard…yes! He slid out of bed and pressed up against the window. He could just make out the Black Shadow as it glided, a few small feet above the grass, across the grounds and around the corner of the castle as its driver directed it presumably to its hiding place down near the boathouses. Sirius was back, and Remus realized he was secretly satisfied to note that no "Slytherinette" had been accompanying him either.

Remus also realized that, somewhere inside, anger and frustration had been building up as well. How could Sirius just disappear for so long, without a word to anyone of where he was going or why? Sometimes Sirius's impulsive nature could take him too far, or at least Remus thought so at the moment. Maybe in their earlier years it wouldn't have mattered so much, but times were different now, whether Sirius wanted to acknowledge that or not. Remus decided he would let him know exactly that, right now, and, grabbing his wand, headed for the dormitory door, intending to meet Sirius on his way up.

The stone stairwell of the boys' dorm was cold and dank in winter, and Remus immediately regretted neglecting his cloak and slippers as he began to make his way down the steps. He ran back to get them, then resumed his careful progress down the dark stairwell.

Wait a second, it shouldn't be this dark. Had the house elves really forgotten to light the torches tonight? Remus couldn't remember a time when they had missed something so important, or made a mistake at all, really.

He reached for his wand in order to create a little light for himself, but then realized he had forgotten his wand too. He hurried back for this as well, and then headed quickly back for the door, forgetting his reason for retrieving the wand in the first place, worried he might not catch Sirius in a place where they could talk, inwardly cursing the cold, and Sirius for creating this whole situation.

The darkness of the corridor had just reminded him why he needed his wand when he collided solidly –dropping his wand in the process – with someone making their way equally as briskly and stealthily up the stairs. This someone was panting, and quite hairy to boot. It was impossible in the darkness to make anything out, but Remus now thought he knew who had put out the lights. Though he still couldn't imagine why.

"…Padfoot?"

Remus could only hear soft breathing in reply, but he knew that the dog still sat on the stairs directly below him.

"Sirius?" Remus called again softly, feeling for his wand.

Still nothing. Remus sighed.

"Come on Sirius, I know it's you, I saw you drive up a few minutes ago. What are you doing?"

Remus could barely make out the dark form growing rapidly larger, to about the size of a tall, lean, sixteen year old-sized youth.

"Well what the bloody hell are _you_ doing out of the room and sneaking down stair-wells and crashing into people?" Sirius hissed, sounding uncharacteristically exasperated. He made a move to continue past Remus up the stairs, but Remus stood quickly and moved to block him, hurt by his tone but determined nonetheless.

"I think it's _I_ who should be asking _you_ the questions here, Sirius." Remus crossed his arms in the dark, and assumed a more patronizing tone than he really intended. "Where have you been all this time? Everyone's been worried, no one had any idea where you were. You just can't do things like that anymore, and…and why on Merlin's earth did you put out all the torches?"

"I have no idea what you mean," said Sirius quite unconvincingly. Remus sighed and bent down to pick up his wand, which he had finally located. Sirius took this opportunity to scoot past him before he could be stopped, and bolted for their room.

But Remus was quick to follow. "Sirius—_Sirius_! What is going on? Stop, hold on!"

Sirius had reached the door but Remus immediately performed a locking charm before Sirius could make it in. Remus panted up to the landing after him, now thoroughly irritated. He could hear Sirius trying the doorknob frantically, then saw his form wheel round in the darkness.

"Look, Remus, _Moony,_" Sirius pleaded, "just let me in the room, I'm sorry, I'll explain it all later, I—"

"_Lumos_" – "NO!"

Remus brought the glowing tip of his wand up high in order to see Sirius clearly, and gasped. And stared. And then, despite himself, let out a small giggle.

"Shut up," was Sirius's gentle reply.

Remus continued to stand there for a few seconds, trying to maintain control. After all, it really wasn't fair to laugh at his friend that way. It was just that…Sirius always prided himself on his looks, he knew, secretly,…especially that shining, regal head of jet black hair, which always fell just perfectly so across his forehead…

_Not anymore_, thought Remus, as several waves of realization washed over him.

"So _that's_ why you left early this morning, it must have been for your, um, appointment…" –Sirius's eyes narrowed at Remus, who continued, "and why you waited so long to come back…" All of a sudden, he found he wasn't really angry with Sirius anymore. Remus shook his head. "Really, Padfoot, sneaking up here like that, putting out the torches, trying to…" Remus was overcome with snickers, something that didn't happen very often.

"Oh right, go on, laugh about it, you don't know what I've been through today! I've a mind lace that whole ruddy barber shop from floor to ceiling with the most potent dung bombs I can get my hands on!" Sirius made a noise of disgust and looked away, then looked back at Remus sheepishly. "Is it really that bad?" he whimpered.

Remus didn't laugh this time, but merely smiled warmly at his friend. "I think it's no secret your haircut's seen better days," he said, "but it'll grow out in time, and before then why not let James and I see if we can do anything to, er, patch things up a bit?" Remus performed the charm to unlock the door as he spoke, "At least well enough to get you another date with your Slytherin darling," he added in a lower voice.

Sirius looked immensely relieved, and moved to open the door, but then turned on Remus, eyeing him intensely. "Wait a second, what 'Slytherin darling'? What are you talking about?"

"You know, the girl you were supposed to go on a date with tod...well, yesterday."

Sirius frowned. "This time I really don't know what you mean. Who told you that? Moony, do _you_ honestly think I'd go on a date with a Slytherin?" He looked genuinely worried, his eyes telling Remus he'd better give the right answer.

Remus shrugged, feeling relieved but not sure why. "No…I didn't really believe James when he told me…" he answered as he opened the door and they both quietly slipped into the dormitory, Remus making a mental note to ask James about that later. Sirius looked at him dubiously, but seemed to decide he didn't care. They both climbed into their beds, Sirius pausing for an anxious glance into the mirror on his way, and this time Remus fell into a contented sleep.


End file.
